Crosswind

Life is topsy turvy at the moment as we struggle with being out of our home with nowhere solid to go.  We’re staying at a hotel but that’s too costly to continue.  We need to move tomorrow to a college residence in the west end and stay there until next Thursday or whenever the papers are singed and the whole deal is funded.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt as upset as the moment when I felt homeless and had no idea where my kids were going to sleep. I’m just lucky it only lasted for an afternoon, it could be a hell of a lot worse.

Now I’ve just got to make it to Thursday……. 

I miss having titles.

So we are staring down the barrel of another big move, this time out to the “dream house”. I put it in quotes because I’m terribly capable of building things up to be better than they are and I really have no idea if living in this house is going to make me happier or if it’s just fresh hell. One can never really know.

The interesting thing about this move is the finality of it. My mother has owned this house for 20 years, it was her tract house/suburban subdivision dream house and she has tried to sell it before with no success. She has also moved out of it and rented it out to other people for long stretches of time but she has never ever faced the prospect of not owning it. I think it’s harder for her than she’s willing to admit.

I blithely move from house to house, never really satisfied, never unpacking my books, never truly inhabiting so there’s nothing in this house for me except an ongoing frustration with it’s surrounding noise, poor design and lack of cat free space. I am happy to get all my ducks in a row and try to really settle in before the baby tornado comes. I’m coming from a very different place than she is and I’m really really afraid that she’ll be unhappy. 

So, to sum up - we’re moving next week, stress is high, say ORANGE level, I’m happy, we’re all apprehensive, change is good, no internet at the new place…..

did you hear me? I said  NO INTERNET AT THE NEW PLACE!

GAAAAAAAH

Someone in Hawaii found me by Googling “Lala pregnant again”. I guess that’s more of a Twitter than a blog post but I found it funny.

Another thing I found funny was “90 funniest sketches“. Which didn’t include this one although I truly think it should have. Thanks to Eden for pointing out the 50 funniest.

What I had for lunch

Neua Pad Nam Man Hoy, otherwise known as stir fried beef in oyster sauce with vegetables

My advice? Stick to the Pad Thai because, to ME, this smelled like the inside of the cattle castle at Exhibition time. If that means nothing to you - I just used the word cattle when referring to my lunch.

I couldn’t help it, I started Twittering. Call me lalachacha if you like. I have a question though….how weird is it to follow the twitter of someone you only know from their blog(where you only lurk)?

I was going to write about how much I dislike my son’s attitude and behavior these days because I left a similar comment on someone’s blog and that’s drawing a few hits here but then I read this post and I couldn’t. Despite everything, his disorder, the struggle to feed us both, the limitations being a single mother placed on me, the anger I continue to feel, despite all of that I wouldn’t change my mind. I might change a few things but those are weaknesses of my own that held me back.

She was 14, I was 22. There really can’t be any comparison other than to say we were both two frightened girls who had so much ahead of us.

I never seriously considered adoption because I had a sense that it would rip me apart and hold my heart in it’s hand for the rest of my life. Her post proves that to me.

I don’t judge. I can’t say what she did was the best or the worst for her or for that child. I can’t even say that I made the best choice for my son and I. All I can say is at the end of the day I know where he is, who he is and that I’m grateful for that.

If you don’t already read Boobs, Injuries and Dr. Pepper, you should, if for no other reason than it takes a lot to get me cry/snort pop out my nose/pee myself worked up and she has done that more than once.

I am not in a good place my friends. I feel like I’m killing the baby with stress. I grumble and bitch as I walk the five blocks from where I park to where I work, it’s cold and windy and I am ill prepared mentally to face a day of people asking me to solve problems for them. I’m pissed off about paying for parking, about not having a cafeteria in the building, about the sidewalks not being clean and safe to walk on, about not having a moment of peace in my daily life where I can be still and rest my thoughts. And yet I really can’t complain because there are so many things that aren’t wrong. Despite the toddler tantrums and the teenage grumpiness I am ok. No one is ill, no one is dying, no one is divorcing(at the moment), we are all just clawing at each other in too close quarters.

But there are bloggers who keep me real and you know how? By dealing with cancer. For some reason, some fatalistic, turn your head at a car accident kind of reason, I find myself reading more and more cancer blogs. It’s sick but it reminds me that I have a lot to be grateful for.

What was here yesterday? A claymation video of cows and goats.
now? an explanation of my new naming convention for posts. Really boring, in comparison.
This is post #908. I decided that titled posts are too searchable so I’m following in DD’s tracks and I’ll be naming posts with the actual number they represent. Are you asleep yet?

Today is Piper’s second birthday. Two full years of kisses and hugs and smiles and love. She’s dreamy and stubborn and cute and funny and terrific. She dances in circles singing “I PRINCESS” at the top of her lungs and she loves to twirl until she makes herself dizzy and falls down. Her hair is a mess, an ongoing battle to untangle, but a cute mess nonetheless. She loves Dora to all exception and will sit stock still on the sofa for 20 minutes just to watch her videos.

She loves her mommy, daddy, nanna and brothers equally and she’s really blossoming now that she has family around her all the time. She is truly a bringer of joy.